I’ve been called many things over my lifetime. Since I’m just now learning about autism – how it relates to ME, PERSONALLY…I’ve been struggling with figuring out who I am now. My mind knows I’m still the same person, just with a bit more knowledge now, and the beginnings of some self-understanding. My heart, however, feels lost and unsure. I still carry the words that I’ve been labeled with. I’m lucky though, most are positive.
I woke up thinking of all the names that have been thrown at me over time, and which ones of them I want to stick. Which ones of them I’m not proud of. Which ones are right, which ones are incorrect. Which ones crushed me, which ones made my day. I decided to write them all out here, for better or for worse. I will simply dump them all here so I can stop thinking about them, at least for a bit. Because I think it’s time for that.
Note: I am a grown woman, and many of these I haven’t heard in years. Some, I have heard all my life. They are in a loosely-organized chronological order.
Old (when young)
Young (when old)
Out of touch
Special Needs Mom
I really don’t know why I wrote this all out. But I feel much lighter now. Clear-headed.
Yesterday I became very aware, as I read, liked, and followed many great blogs, that there is an entire community out there of people who “get it”. I felt a bit self-conscious of what I have written, but also excited that people took time and read, or commented on it. I’m very thankful.
This little list isn’t very entertaining or educational or informative, I’m afraid. But it’s what I felt I needed to say today. Can people do that? Lay down all the names and labels, and then perhaps possibly carefully choose which ones they’d like to pick back up again? And, whether it can be done or not…maybe that’s what I will do anyways. 🙂 Yeah. That is probably what I will do.
150 names/labels. And it is just the start.